Bipolar... Me Maybe?

My best friend told me that it's always the extremes with me.

She is right... Sadly, it doesn't matter what the case is. With me, it's either one extreme or the other. There is no in between...

This woman has had to deal with a ton from me, starting from the moment we met... When I yelled at her about who remembers now. The poor thing stood in front of me back straight as I fired upon her about her sweet boy and the drama life had thrown at her feet.

Yet, she never broke. Not in front of what I imagine was the cruelest person she had ever meet. I never let up on her... I can not honestly remember, ever being so darn hateful to any one person.

True to her nature she remains the ideal of grace under fire, never breaking, always smiling. Even if she was hurting on the inside. Sabrina suffered at my hand, or one may say, my sharp tongue for over a year.

Never before had I shredded someone so thoroughly, but she impressed me with how well she managed to persevere. In some way, one could say I was proud of her for never backing down or showing weakness.

This woman came into a young man's life and took control of it like she had always been there. Even stepping in and taking care of his young son, who needed her even though he was too little to understand yet. The little boy... My sweet nephew, who drives me nuts, fell in love with her almost on sight.

This threatened my best friend at the time. The little boy's other aunt, the evil aunt... She did not want to lose her place in his life. Both of the boys needed Sabrina more than anyone in our family could have ever imagined...

From a distance I watched, because of my behavior towards her, I stayed away and I watched... As they learned to trust and depend on each other. It was like watching a baby take its first steps. They stumbled yes, sometimes they fell, but once those legs got steady they took off running.

They stumbled, always managing to hold each other up. I remember when the happy news came that she was going to bless our crazy family with a new baby... A little girl at that! Lord, we were all so happy! I thought this would be a good time to make peace with her as well.

Too bad, it was stopped and derailed by the evil aunt. The day after our new princess was born I went to see her with a gift and some balloons. The mom was not impressed to see me... I understood that. But, I hoped she would take the gift as an olive branch of peace.

NOPE.

Later, I found out that the evil aunt took credit for my gift and basically acted like I just tagged along for fun. That asshat really pissed me off and still does to this day! I can't believe, for a minute, she was my friend. Looking back... I guess she never really was.

Almost a whole year passed without really seeing that baby girl much. My fault, I should have been like Hey, this is from me and I'm sorry for being an asshat...

Then, my not-yet-best-friend invited me... The Wicked Witch... To her sweet daughter's first birthday party. I showed up early and brought her daughter a pretty little outfit. It was most definitely odd...  I'd had enough of that and was about to fix it.

We were family and I was done with all this crap. So me being me, I jumped up from my seat and marched over to her. Told her I would like to come see her the next day... Poor girl looked a little scared, but I would not change my mind.

So, with a crazy looking smile, no doubt on my face... I showed up at her door and said we need to talk. (maybe not the best choice of words...) Oh, man! We talked for a darn week. That was it. No going back, we became best friends!

We realized. Not only did I not have the right information about her before I was asked to attack this sweet woman. But, also that the person who I considered my friend at the time (evil aunt) was the one playing us against each other.

The evil aunt had invested way to much time in keeping us apart... An investment we still, to this day, don't understand was for. When it would have been so much easier to let everyone be. The drama was all this person was after. Once I stopped it.... She no longer had a need for me.

I promise you... I couldn't be happier to say I scare the daylights out of my new best friend.

This crazy woman has had to deal with me... So, that's not easy. Just today I ate a small Hershey bar while waiting for her to come out of the store. Which was a no-no... Twenty minutes later, we were pushing buggies down the Walmart rows of over-priced junk we just can't live without.

All the sudden... I became a two-year-old. I wanted to run, skipping up and down each one of the rows... She told me we would get odd looks. Guess what?... You do get odd looks. Also, if you start arguing with a two-year-old. Old people don't have any sense of humor! They lost it when the earth's crust cooled.

Then, I have days when my back and leg pain is so bad I'm quiet and want to be left alone. She seems to always know how to deal with me... Thank god for that. Nobody else would be able to do it, without having their feelings hurt. Not even my husband can deal with my wild mood swings. Between the pain and trying to lose weight, I can get a little crazy.

Every time I see my doctors they love to ask, "Are you depressed?" "How are you sleeping?" "How is your medication helping?"

My answer is always "Fine" to everything. If you tell them anything they want to give you more meds. The truth of the matter is, yes. I probably do suffer from a touch of depression. I hardly ever sleep... I'm in too much pain.

Even swallowing one or two pain pills doesn't really help anymore. It only takes the edge off. Enough so that I can rest a little. Meds? Please... No. I can not swallow one more nasty pill. They are like small rocks going down my throat every day, a few times a day.

Instead, I started walking. Hoping that if I get this weight off on my own. Then maybe, just maybe... I could get to a point where I no longer need pills.

I can't understand people who want to take meds all the time. Me, I want to be off of them as fast as I can! If at all...

My doctor is proud of me for dropping the weight I have and keeping it off. Let's hope I don't let him down over the holiday season.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring for me... Or my poor best friend. Hope I don't break her with my craziness.