I just hit that button (publish) on a post I wasn't sure I would ever publish because it's so deeply personal... If you know me then you know I don't share too many of my true feelings or thoughts. Holy Moly! It felt like I just cut my wrist and let you all watch me bleed out...
My normal reaction would be to go and eat... I just poured my guts out to the world. In my family, we don't do that. My daddy's voice is once again in my head Girl wants wrong with you! We don't air our dirty laundry for the world to judge us.... Just suck it up.
Maybe that's why I come from a long line of drinkers, that's our way of sucking it up. Who knows why any of us do what we do. I will say venting about my life and just whatever crazy thing happens has made me much happier. I found the one thing I truly love doing, writing for you... Now I need to find a way to apologize to the dead for talking shit. (my daddy would kill me if he was alive right now... I'm sure of it)
I love you, Daddy.... Kisses. (hope that reaches him...)
My whole life I was scared to drink alcohol. In my family, it only added to the yelling and the fighting. I knew only one thing for sure growing up... I would never be like that or I should say them. Just letting you know... I would hurt anyone who even thought a negative thing about any of my spoiled egg heads (family). I loved each and every one of them... Cracked shells and all!
Not long after my 32nd birthday, my friend was hell-bent on drinking and it worried me. She always wanted to drink with me and I was afraid of becoming angry, mean, saying, or doing things I would later hate myself for...
I told my husband about my fears. He said that I should drink here at the house so he could watch me and make sure nothing happened. He was my hero because it never crossed my mind to stay at home. I will tell you why that was so very important to me... As a young'un, I watched people I loved, fight and beat on each other after drinking. Nothing they would have done sober. I couldn't stand watching that. From that moment on I promised myself, my kids would never see that... If I had kids one day.
Well, now I have four.
Sloe Gin Fizz was my first and last drink... So sad, but true.
My friend at the time brought over two glasses and we sat outside laughing and talking. I didn't really think anything was happening so I kept drinking mine. However, I noticed my friend was getting a little red in the face... She said that we needed another and hopped up from her seat. Then jumped off my porch and darn near ran next door to her house.
After a bit, she returned with more to drink. No big deal... Here we go! I never felt funky, but I could hear myself getting louder. Dear Lord... I'm never that loud! This became very funny to me for some reason? I couldn't get a grip, howling with laughter...
When my bearded hero popped his big head out the door and told me it was time to come in.
With a frown... I jumped up, darted passed him, jumped into bed, and fell right to sleep.
The next morning I got up... Cooked, cleaned, ran some errands, and noticed I still hadn't seen my friend. So, I walked over to check on her. Mind you, it's about 3pm now.... And she was still in her nightgown. I must have looked confused because she answered my question before I could voice it... "I'm hungover, how do you feel?"
I answered quickly and told her all I had done that day. She rolled her eyes at me. I couldn't help but giggle at her lazy ass. This pattern repeated for the next 4 weekends... I never did have this thing called a hangover.
After that last Saturday, I told her I was done. I didn't really get it or even understand why people wasted good money on crap that you get nothing out of. The only problem was, I never realized that was the beginning of the end to our friendship...
That's okay... Life takes each of us down different roads. Some lead to the door, where nobody waits for you. Others... Well, they lead you in a circle right back to the only place you ever truly belonged... Home.
Remember... Nothing is ever worth losing yourself or your family.
*Drink Responsibly*
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